Becoming

When opportunity is not luck

This memoir by the former first lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, is inspiring not because of what she did, but because of how she reflects on how she has "become" who she is. It is a reflection of a life so far and inspiration for other girls who are born outside of privilege to see that becoming our best selves takes hard work, love, ambition, spirituality, passion and bravery. Yes, this is about the opportunities that she has taken, and it is true that as people of color, we may not seem to get the same opportunities as those who come from privilege, however, when children are willing to value and invest in themselves, it is not that the opportunities come, but that they see smaller steps as opportunities. That is really what Ms. Obama reflects in her work. The little steps that she took, that were available to others, add up together to create the place she is in now. 

The important parts of my story, I was realizing, lay less in the surface value of my accomplishments and more in what undergirded them--the many small ways I'd been buttressed over the years, and the people who'd helped build my confidence over time. I remembered them all, every person who'd ever waved me forward, doing his or her best to inoculate me against the slights and indignities I was certain to encounter in the places I was headed--all those environments built primarily for and by people who were neither black nor female. 

Success is not tied to achievement

Michelle Obama is from the southside of Chicago. One of the most telling depictions of what that means is in the middle of the book where she shares photos from her personal collection. There is a kindergarten photo with a fairly diverse group of students, including one Asian child, to her 5th grade picture at the same school. Within those six years, the ethnic makeup of the school moved from ethnically diverse, to 100% African American.  In that atmosphere she got into Princeton for undergraduate and Harvard for law school. She was an associate for a prestigious firm in Chicago which is where a senior partner asked her to mentor an incoming summer associate: Barak Obama. To some, this is the trajectory and the turning point of her becoming Michelle Obama, but her passion was elsewhere. For her, success was not tied to achievement, but she had to reach for that ladder and climb those rungs first before she could later in her life choose her children first, swallow her ambition to allow room for her husband's own vision and passion, and understand that collective achievement may look more like personal sacrifice than personal success, but that this really, was part of the becoming. 

Last words

It's not about being perfect. It's not about where you get yourself in the end. There's power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice. And there's grace in being willing to know and hear others. This, for me, is how we become.